Monday, March 23, 2009
I Live in Texas
I still have these moments that creep up at odd times as I go about my daily life where I stop and remember that I live in Texas. A statement of the obvious, yes, but one that is still sort of hard for me to believe. Andy left for a short trip to Chicago today, which has me thinking about what he's seeing and doing or, rather, what I am not seeing and doing. Unlike me, he can go back, unfazed. He doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about the oddities of visiting a place where he used to live. I, on the other hand, can't get past the way the city exists both changing and unchanged, in spite of my absence. Most of the time, I am happy here. We're making friends and finding our way. But, I still don't feel like this is home. I am not sure I want it to feel like home, if that makes sense. Although, it sure would be easier if I just let it. Maybe I am a bit homesick. Maybe all this nesting I have been doing, this attempt to create a home for this new baby, highlights how I have not made the jump to calling this "house" my "home." And while I love having the space and the ease of lifestyle that living here affords me, I miss the City of Big Shoulders, the promise of Spring after a long winter, and the 1600 square feet of home I left back on Racine.
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3 comments:
How long do you think you'll stay in TX? I felt the same way when I lived in San Diego, and now that we're back East, I find that I miss it way more than I ever thought I would when we lived there.
Hang in there!
I definitely understand how you feel. I still don't consider NJ home. And I've lived here nearly a year. There are some places you go where it takes a long period of time for it to feel like home. DC felt like home immediately to me. But it took me a long time when I lived in Houston too. But I think you are right that it has to be conscious action. You have to be ready to call a place home.
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